Just breathe

Just breathe..

Take a slow deep breathe! Ahh yes.. that is life..
More important.. that heartbeat or breathe? Few mins without oxygen and you can become brain dead..

I awoke to my 5yr old daughter wheezing.. lungs just a rattling. My heart stops and mind races to where i put her emergency inhaler. I pray it hasn't gotten moved out of place.

Thankgod it's there, but 2 puffs has only done half the job. A breathing treatment is in order.  Where is panda?  Pause

She is fighting this one.. unintentionally as i have not made her fully awake. I hold mr elephant mask over her face as she dreams ..breathing ..breathing in medicine. I watch her chest..

My angel, so much life, such a personality!

Reactive Respiratory Disease ..is what doctor calls it.. ..(&$#&**$#) my frustration calls it. Why? Why not? Shes too young ..one side cries. Quick healer.. another side trys to calm me. Give it to me, I'll suffer for her.... all of me cry (tears start with that one)

Im distracted from my mental battle as i hear her lips smack..and there she goes rubbing her nose. Im brought back to yesterdays image ..blood everywhere from a nose bleed ..stupid cold weather!

I think of Hawaii.. lol actually i'd be quite satisfied anywhere near water and 70 degree consistency. Hawaii just brings fun imagery of hula skirts and me trying to learn the cultural dances!! My daughter would be there dancing right along ..son.. well he wont admit it til he is doing it..but he would dance too. Of course he'd be throwing his own mix.. (i have videos of this).

There you go.. smile and embrace the blessings of children.

"I'm so sorry," people say...
Don't be.. i love being the one to take care of her. I know I am giving my all. Pray and send love to her..

She turns to cuddle my side just now. Can she feel this ..love outpour.. this energy?

She is struggling alot less.. thankyou. I don't usually like to talk about the health issues ..mostly because there is nothing more to do than what we already. Annnd I'm a bigger believer on WHERE YOUR FOCUS GOES, THERE IT WILL GROW. Well ..the moment calls for focus but afterwards worry and over concern is futile. I do not want to bubble her from people .. the list of reasons are many from building germ resistance to the loving spirit she brings to everyone.

School full of kid sickness and this weather seems to be triggers. At home, during summer she is fine. Last yr was the same.. and dang the prek schooling she missed. Already 12 days missed this yr and full winter has not hit.

-sigh- oh that breath.. deep breath ...

I got lost watching her again..her lip quiver and eyes dance under her eyelids.. take note of the rain.. the kittens with mama luna.. lol sophia asleep in tts open dresser drawer.. daisy curled up on top of a shirt... panda bear smiling

EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE ALRIGHT.. a musical symphony strikes up inside.

Think I'll try to catch a few zzz's with ..less than 1hr til wake up! Errr! Please music wake me well.

Gonna be alright.. ;-)

Xoxok